HI, my husband died of pancreatic cancer at age 55, 2 years ago this past February;.
I'm sorry for what you are going through.
I've been there. We decided to do chemo, the dr. said it would extend life (I asked, for how long? he answered, long enough to take a cruise or nice vacation, but do it soon... ) By now I've forgotten the 2 chemo drugs he was on, it was the best combination availible though.
I did extensive research, and learned that on these drugs, (which you get a month or so after diagnosis) patients live approximately 240 days.
That was EXACTLY how long Lee lived, date of diagnosis to death, 240 days.
The chemo drugs helped prolong life, they shrunk the size of the liver leisions...
so we could enjoy each others company just a little longer, write a will, teach me how to use his power tools so I would be able to fix things around the house, and most importantly take our children on a memorable, joyous, last vacation. People often say "I wish I had just one more day with _____(the loved one); this route, you do have that one more day.. we got 2-3 extra months and felt every day was a blessing, and we lived each day to it's fullest, like never before.
The side effects of chemo were tolerable, NO loss of hair! the cold temps were very bad on this chemo, he had to be completely wrapped with scarf and thick gloves whenever he went to work.
the chemo made the lower legs and feet numb/tingly, and his fingers too, and the cold made those extremities hurt a LOT.
the other side effect was diareah, but by stage 4, that is happening all the time anyway.
He worked until late January, when we went to Hawaii, then back home he lived one week more, he just couldn't get out of bed anymore, except to see the dr, who said the drugs were no longer working to keep the metastisized cancer at bay (into the liver).
That was OUR experience, others may be different.
Our 1st grade teachers husband died ONE WEEK after diagnosis, at age 43.
I would say definately do chemo, it will buy a LITTLE time.
Here's a website from hospice about the end stages and signs of death approaching: http://www.kokuamau.org/laststages/index...
also, go to www.pancan.org , they were terrific at having info, and they have online support groups, you can buy a purple ribbon (the pancreatic cancer color), and there are message boards.
I really appreciated the support of others.
good luck and god bless.