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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Leukemia and blood cancer discussion.

Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby Roibin » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:05 pm

I am using my friends account and so please give detailed answers so she can print them out straight away.

I am 20 years old and I was adopted as an infant around 4 months old. I have always known I was adopted and my parents who I love dearly have always made me feel like their daughter no matter what. I never had a desire to know my birth family and am still not sure if I want to meet them, I just would like to get all the medical information that I can.

When I was 16 I had leukemia and through tests they found out I had a cancer gene and that was probably why I got cancer. Afterwards the doctors tried to find out my medical history before the adoption with no success. Now for future medical help and when I want to have my own kids I would like to know if there are any other medical conditions that I could have. It would break my parents hearts if they knew I was considering meeting my biological mother.

They had one child taken off them before me he was given to them by the birth mother and then she changed her mind. They also had several foster children they wanted to adopt taken from them. I almost feel selfish for putting them through all this. They are the most loving people in the world and the greatest parents so I want to keep it a secret until I decide weather I will meet her or not.

How can I go about finding names and medical information. I was born in Texas and we live in New York. Any information and helpful advice would be appreciated. Thanks Emma x
Roibin
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby farnall » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:09 pm

Central Adoption Registry

Department of State Health Services

P.O. Box 149347

Austin, TX 78714-9347

Links to the application forms here http://www.dshs.state.tx.us/vs/reqproc/a...

And the person stating that witholding information about their origins from adult adoptees is OK is sadly mistaken

Freedom of association dictates that we can conduct our own lives without interference; we don't need special laws to legislate our personal relationships nor whom we can or cannot contact.

In addition, anyone not wanting contact can simply say so pfffttt to treating Adult adoptees like second class citizens and calling them 'selfish' for wanting to know the truth of their origins - double pffttttt!!
farnall
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby Auriville » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:18 pm

I found mine my parents don't know. I'm glad they dont
Auriville
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby Sinclaire » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:23 pm

I understand why you wouldn't want to make your parents sad or angry but you are 20 yrs old and you have already had a life threatening condition that you should have been required to have a medical history for.
Surely your parents understand that? What about when you have children? Wouldn't they want you to know what sort of things skips generations?

Ok that makes more sense.
Problem is, medical information is confidential.
If you do find your birth parents, you'll have to have their permission to get that information.
As a birth parent, I would want to meet the person claiming to be my child and prove it before I were to divulge any personal information about myself.

Update: To all that think that adopted children should have every right of knowing who their bio parents are, have you thought about the privacy and protection of the parents? People put children up for adoption all the time due to reasons beyond their control.
Maybe a woman got raped but didn't want to abort the child.
be happy you were born and still alive.
I can understand needing to know the bio parents medical history for obvious reasons, but being allowed to open sealed records just because you turned 18 is an invasion of privacy of those parents, not to mention, it probably voids the agreement the bio and adoptive parents may have had.
Who's to say if an adopted child finds their mother and they were a baby born from a rape, the child just cause that mother all that pain and hurt that she tried to get that child away from in the first place.
She knew she wouldn't be a good mother because of it so she spared that child.
People need to think about these things and respect other wishes instead of just being selfish.
Sinclaire
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby Eldon » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:25 pm

As an adoptive mom, I doubt it very much that it would "break your parents' hearts" if you wanted to find out who your birth parents are. They probably took adoptive parenting classes & read books about how most adoptees want to know their roots & they might not only help you to search, but they might have information on them that could help you.
Eldon
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby pyrs » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:28 pm

Your adoptive parents have all the information you need to find your birth mother.
pyrs
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby Phil » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:38 pm

This is exactly why the US should follow the UK's lead that adult adoptees in the UK can get their birth certificates and paperwork which in turn can help in their search.
My son searched without telling his adoptive parents - they found out years later but that's another story.
He found my family quite quickly but they told him they didn't know where I was.
I found him five years into his search.

There is nothing selfish about wanting to find out medical information and they may surprise you if you do tell them.
You're not being disloyal as you have really good reasons for wanting this information.
I wish I could be of more help but I don't know the laws where you are.
I just wanted to encourage you to be determined and hope you get answers.
If you do tell your adoptive parents then just let them know that you love them and they will always be your parents.

My son tried to get medical information as my family was being unhelpful but he couldn't without my permission.
When we reunited I was able to give him quite a bit of information of myself and extended family.
Phil
 
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Finding A Birth Mother Without Adoptive Parents Finding Out?

Postby Bardulf » Mon Apr 17, 2017 7:48 pm

Being that you are 20 yrs old, you do not need the permission of your adoptive parents to search for your natural mother/parents. Since you have had a life-threatening disease, I would expect your aparents to appreciate why you need medical information...not only for yourself, but also for any future children you may have. If you live in fear of your adoptive parents finding out, don't worry about that. Contact the agency or state dept. that handled your adoption for starters...non-identifying information. It is your right to ask/demand this information. There is the possibility that your natural mother has left a letter with the agency, that she is open to contact. So please, get the information as to the name of the agency, or attorney or state dept. that handled your adoption and contact them immediately. They will not contact your adoptive parents to let them know what you are doing, as you are now of legal age. Should you have any additional questions, please feel free to contact me privately. I am a natural mother who surrendered her newborn for adoption in 1964. I searched and found in 1999, with only a hospital name, location, date of birth. Good Luck! and please don't hesitate to contact me, if I can be of any help whatsoever, I'll be glad to share what I know and/or direct you to those who can help you further.
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